For Their Forever
by Sake-kunXx
Summary: Spoilers for Jouney's End. Rose and her Doctor talk about what needs to be talked about. Sorry, but I've deleted "Alone forever" and combined these two together as one story. Thought it might work better. Thanks. Please read and review.
1. For Their Forever

'He's alone, isn't he

'He's alone, isn't he?'

Rose didn't know where the question came from, but it just flowed from her lips before she'd realised she'd broken the silence. They were in a cab coming from Dårlig Ulv Stranden, heading to the nearest airport. Pete would meet them in London, Jackie having called ahead and telling him they'd be back late.

Jackie was sitting in the front of the cab with the driver, while Rose and the new human Doctor sat in the back, their hands tightly entwined as they had been since the TARDIS vanished. She had been sitting with her head on his shoulder, watching her fingers stroking the long fingers of his hand, silently thinking until the feeling hit her.

'He's alone again.'

'Yes.'

That was the difference between this Doctor. He didn't try to hide the words behind a nod. He told her that her Doctor would carry on alone…at least for a while. He'd told her, those three little words. The ones that broke and fixed her heart in one confusing second.

Because she knew now that her Doctor… the one that had returned to the parallel world… the one that was no longer hers… he would never have been able to say it. Even if they'd had longer on that beach… he would never have been able to tell her. And perhaps that would have hurt her even more. Because, when he had been cut off, she had been able to tell herself that he was going to say the words she so desperately wanted to hear. Her dreams had been filled with what could have been, what he was about to say.

But now she knew that he couldn't.

But this him could. He had, and had finally fixed the heart that had been so battered and cracked over the years that it had been held together by the bits of sellotape that was her family, but he had finally made her whole again.

But at what cost?

'What's happened?'

She could feel it. Had felt it minutes after the TARDIS had de-materialised. The feeling that was not her own of complete loneliness, of anger with the universe.

'Donna couldn't take it,' the Doctor- he was the Doctor after all, if not the Lonely God any more- said quietly, stoking her hair soothingly, 'there has never been a Human/Time Lord metacrisis before us. Her mind was being burned out by all the knowledge in her head- she couldn't take it. The other me has wiped her memories of her time with me- us… oh this is going to be confusing…'

'Then… won't the same happen to you?' her head snapped up to look at him, worry etched into her features, 'if you're the same as her, are you going to start burning up too?'

'No, I've got the base-Time Lord template, but with the Human side mainly physical. She had the base-Human with all that knowledge crammed into her mind. She couldn't cope with that. No-one would be able to.'

'She'll never know what she could achieve. She'll never know that she did all those things… that she was the most important person in all of creation. Such a waste.'

'But she'll be safe,' the Doctor said quietly, 'she'll be safe, away from the danger.'

'But at what cost?' Rose countered weakly, 'to never know what it means to be alive, to look at the sky and wonder, but never know what's out there. To lose that feeling when you step out onto a new planet, a new time…'

'But she never knew. He had to wipe everything. Every little memory,' a bitter laugh, 'you can't miss what you didn't know you had.'

She looked at him, studying him sadly. 'But you'll remember. You'll… both of you… iwe'll/i miss her. We'll remember her.'

'We'll remember ifor/i her.'

Rose laid her head back on the Doctor's shoulder, and silence fell in the cab, Norwegian scenery flashing by, but neither the Doctor nor Rose were looking, both lost in their own thoughts.

A gentle shuddering brought the Doctor out of his thoughts.

'Rose?'

She didn't move, but an almost inaudible gasp escaped her as she tried to contain her emotions.

'Don't hide away from me Rose. I've gone too long without you for you to pull back now.'

'It's silly,' she said with a watery laugh.

'Nothing you ever think is silly.'

She swallowed hard.

'I was… I was thinking about what he said… the other Doctor. He said that you were born of fire and blood and revenge. That you were… that you were the you when we first met. But... when you regenerated… I wanted that old Doctor back,' she gave a slightly hysterical laugh, 'Ironic isn't it?'

'Rose, listen… I'm the same man you said goodbye to one that beach, and I always will be. But I… you're right… he's right. I committed genocide, again. And I've been punished for that. That's why he sent me here; to make his- our universe safe. Because without you… a man like me is dangerous. I need you to be there when I need stopping. I need you be there when I miss what I once had'

'But… you never wanted this. Even human, you know what it's like to travel amongst the stars.' She looked him in the eyes, searching, 'how can you not be furious that you have to stay down here on Earth, rattling along on the slow path with all us apes, pretending you don't know the name for all the night's stars? How can you live this life when you know when every great event in the universe is going to happen and know that you can't go see it? How can you-'

'Because I have you.'

That was it. That one line brought it all home. Made it clear that this was as much a gift as it was a punishment for the Human Doctor.

'While he must carry on alone.'

The Doctor stayed silent.

'I have a Doctor for the rest of my forever… but he doesn't have a Rose,' she remembered a conversation that they had shared a long time ago, outside a chip shop in London, 'all of us… we can give him our forever… but he can't do the same for us. He has to carry on… alone…'

'That's the curse of the Time Lords.'

They looked at each other, all the barriers that she had seen in the old Doctor had been stripped of this new version- her version, she guessed sadly. She could see the hurt, the pain, the sadness for everything that had happened in the last few hours. The terrible guilt that thrummed behind his eyes for what he had done.

But also the love that she had always seen in his eyes everyday since they met, that she had dreamt about.

No more hiding. No more secrets.

'Forever, Doctor.' She answered to a question he didn't need to ask again. To the question which had eternally been in his eyes.

'Forever, Rose. Both our forevers.'

He kissed her then, just because she was there, and he was Human, and that there was no point denying yourself something that you can have forever, and because there was going to be no more running away.

Not from her.

Not from himself.

And as they pulled away, realised that the cab was stopping, that they were at the airport, he gently- oh so gently- pushed away a strand of hair from her ear, and he whispered the three words in her ear that he had on the beach.

Three beautiful, glorious words.

'We love you.'


	2. Alone Forever

The Doctor shucked off the wet, sticky jacket and dropped it unceremoniously on the floor, uncaring

The Doctor shucked off the wet, clinging jacket and dropped it unceremoniously on the floor, uncaring. The pinstripes on the once clean suit seemed lost in the slick blackness of the now wet material. Gently, lethargically, he took hisfaithfulship- his eternal companion- into the vortex, away from the house that he hoped, for Donna's sake, he would never have to return to.

It hurt to have to take the knowledge from her; the knowledge that she was capable of so much more, more than being a temp lost in the humdrum life that she had lived for far too long. The knowledge that she could _be_ someone. She had finally felt _alive_, perhaps for the first time in her life. Had looked at the universe with wide eyes, had thrown herself into the thick of it and had not wanted to let it go, ever.

But now, because of a cruel twist of fate,-"_because of __you__" _a cruel, mocking voice whispered in his mind- she had been forced to forget.

Everything.

Forget her life lived with a husband, children...

Forget a life lived where the world was saved by her dying...

Forget a life where she set free an enslaved race, and saved four innocent people from the fires of Pompeii, solved a mystery with Agatha and saved him from himself.

A life loved.

She had given him her forever, but for the Donna Noble he knew, forever had come too soon.

If she ever remembered, even for one golden second, she would burn.

The curse of being human, he supposed. A mortal life can only contain so much knowledge.

He walked around the console, wading through the loud silence and the ghosts of the laughter of the last few hours, when finally his ship had been alive with happiness and giddiness. He sat down heavily in the jump seat beside the control panel, watching the gentle rise and fall of the central column. He had, for one finite spark in time, not been alone. He had been surrounded by people that he loved and who loved him back. He had seen his ship guiding the Earth to where it belongs, and had felt for once in _such_ a long time, completely at peace.

The water from his hair trickled over his scalp, warm and uncomfortable as it made its way down his neck then dribbled over his face to drip off his sharp chin.

He had, of course, known that it was going to end like this. He wasn't naïve enough to think for a second that any of them would-and in some cases could-stay with him. They each had their own companions now, their own reasons to leave him.

Sarah Jane, with the son he didn't know she had. Presumably he was adopted, but he'd look into at as soon as he had the strength.

As soon as he stopped hurting long enough to think.

"_That'll be never then." _the voice sneered.

Jack had taken Martha and now Mickey to go join the institute whose name still made him mentally recoil. It may have changed-Jack may have made it a better place-but… some things never really change. It still turned people into weapons; a little fleet of tin soldiers to fight the invading species that were coming every day to their little back water planet.

"_Yes… because that's your job, not theirs isn't it?_"

Donna could never remember him, had looked at him with that oh-so painfully blank look that he imagined must have been agony for River Song when she met him in the Library.

Now he knew how that felt, the voice didn't need to say.

Water continued to trickle down his cheek, dripping off his chin.

She would go back to her life, never the wiser that to some, she was a god, to others a living myth to be told of in their songs for eternity.

Donna Noble, never to be forgotten.

While she can never remember.

And then there was them…

The collar of his shirt itched as it dried, but still he did not move.

Another drop from his chin.

'We love you.'

He had heard his double say the words he so desperately wished he could have said. His hearts clenched oh-so painfully at the thought of those words stolen from him, spoken by a tongue that should have been his, but never could be. He had felt the words on his tongue, but had swallowed them before they could emerge.

_Does it need saying?_

But the thing is… it had never been cowardice that had made him choke down those words.

Never.

It had been the knowledge of what that would mean.

He had looked at his double, just before she asked him that question. The one he had dreamed about answering. The one he wished he could have. But in that moment, that quick glance that he had shared with the eyes that were his own, he knew that he couldn't.

Not because it was untrue. It could never be untrue.

But because if he said those words… he would never let her go. He would have been admitting to himself and her how much he needed her. He would never have left that beach, closing universe be damned. He would have never had the strength to take his eyes away from hers.

So he had silently told his twin to take her. To stop him from bringing another end to a universe by leaving it alone. And he had felt those words, whispered into her sweet ear, felt them on his tongue.

Just as he had felt the press of her lips on his.

Residual connection to the being she was kissing. He could feel the contours of her body pressed to his as he pressed her to him, wrapped his arms around her.

The other him- the human him had not done it to hurt him. He probably didn't know they were connected like that. Nor had his doppelganger done it to rub in his face the fact that he could have Rose for his forever, while he must go on. The Lonely Angel alone again.

So the Doctor had turned his back, her lips still pressing against his, her tongue sliding against his.

He hadn't even looked back. Not til he felt the lips pull away, gasping against his in surprise. He had watched on the monitor the woman who would eternally hold his hearts run towards them and then stop. They were leaving, the picture turning to static as the walls of reality closed.

A tingle in his hand as he took hers. Then the connection was broken.

He had become numb, let the DoctorDonna take over manning the TARDIS. Leaned against the coral-like strut before taking her memories and taking her home.

And now here he was again. Alone in the whole of the universe.

It was always the way.

Waiting to land and find another lifeless soul to turn into a bright, brilliant person.

Or into a monster.

Waiting to land and start counting the days til they leave him. Counting down to the moment he'd be sitting here again, alone, surrounded by the ghosts of his never-ending past.

His hair was dry now, as was his shirt. No more rain water to fall.

He closed his eyes and a single, glistening bead of water fell, tricking down his cheek to drip from his chin.


	3. London Half Life

Rose sighed, walking into the apartment and taking off her jacket as she dropped her keys in the metal bowl beside the door

**The title comes from a song by a band called Metric, and the song is so beautiful and so perfect, I'm surprised no-one's done a video on youtube for it (wink wink nudge nudge) I know I keep saying this story is finished, but then someone asks for a sequel, so if anyone has any idea, feel free to make a suggestion. But no smut, please.**

Here's the song, please check it out: www. youtube. Com /watch?vwVa8hoUBlZU

**London Half Life**

Rose sighed, walking into the apartment and taking off her jacket as she dropped her keys in the metal bowl beside the door. It had been a long day at Torchwood, filling in piles of paper work and speaking in board meetings and showing her new assistant around.

As much as she loved her work, sometimes it was just… so tediously slow. Nothing like what she had once been used to. With the Doctor, she had been used to waking up first thing to the smell of burned bagels as he tried to make her breakfast in bed with the jiggery-poked toaster ("_Sorry Rose, but it was just taking so long, so I used the Sonic Screwdriver to recalibrate the metal components to increase the…" he had stopped then as Rose placed a hand on his shoulder, a kiss on his cheek and a word of thanks for the thought_) and the chances of a brand new world or time just outside the door. There had been no paperwork for the life she had loved-

_Stop it_, she told herself tiredly. She had forced herself to stop trying to compare her new life to her old one. She couldn't waste her life thinking about all the things she'd lost- twice now. It was three weeks after her second visit to Bad Wolf bay with the Doctor- though in the years building up to their reunion, she had allowed herself an annual pilgrimage to that desolate place. She had moved out of her old flat; the one that was the parallel copy of Bucknall House, kept only for the memories of her old life, and had moved into a new apartment with the human Doctor.

It was a beautiful place. It was full of space, open planned with the left side wall made up of huge windows over looking the Thames and the city beyond. It was in the up market part of London, and had been quite a costly investment, but it wasn't as if they couldn't afford it. With a multi-millionaire father and with Rose working at Torchwood (which always ensured a fairly hefty pay-packet) they were never short of cash. And as soon as the Doctor's ID was sorted out, he'd join her in Torchwood, so they would be completely self-sufficient.

But, even with the good money, the nice house and the man she had for so long wanted to have… she was still allowed to miss what she'd lost. Mickey had gone, thinking that she was going to be staying with the Doctor. Yet again they were separated by a universe, yet this time they had switched places. But still… it had been his choice. Just as it had before. He'd grown up since the scared little boy running from the Reapers, and from the quivering wreck that she'd found in the Nestene Consciousness' lair. He had made his life, and every decision had been made for the best.

But she still missed seeing him at Torchwood. With him there, work didn't feel like work. He was always there with her on the operations, and was there to keep her awake doing the paperwork. He was the one that had thought of the dimension cannon, and he was the one friend that she could talk to about the Doctor.

She knew that he was probably happy back home, that he'd be able to see his old friends again. But… she'd always miss him. They may have stopped going out way before the Doctor brought him onto the TARDIS, but their relationship was now stronger than ever. To Rose, Mickey would always be the brother that she had never had, and it felt like a chunk of her life was missing.

A chunk that would never be filled.

But now… she had to force herself to start over. She wasn't the only one suffering from a loss. Jackie had lost a good friend in Mickey as well. She had taken him in after his Nan had died, and he had become and even closer friend than he had been on the Estate when Rose was away travelling with the Doctor.

And then there was the Doctor himself.

She walked silently into the main living area. It was a huge room, bright and comfortable with a very modern design. On the far wall, there were two doors, each leading to the bedrooms with on-suite bathrooms and there was a kitchen on the right hand wall. The whole left wall was made of windows, with comfortable chairs positioned so that at any time either of them could go sit and look over the city.

And he was there. Just as he always was.

Everyday, when she got home from work, she would find him in his chair, silently staring out.

She sometimes forgot how much he had been forced to give up. She had lost the adventure and the fun, but he had lost a home and a life.

One heart.

One life.

Not even one whole life. It was a half-life. As a Time Lord he could live in any one body for so much longer than he would now.

And what was the life of an ex-Time Lord without the companionship of his TARDIS? He cried out sometimes, in his sleep, asking why the singing had stopped. Why she had left him in the dead silence of his own mind. That was what broke her heart. Not her own losses, though they would eternally be a dull ache in her chest, but the sharp metal sting of not being able to give him- her Doctor, the things he wanted and needed.

Seeing him without the TARDIS, it was as if he had lost a limb. Ironic, as he was formed from a lost limb, he had said once.

He was quieter than he ever had been in this form. He walked through the streets, around the house, looking like a caged wolf, a storm in a bottle. Something that just shouldn't be allowed to be kept in one place, locked away. So much like her first Doctor. Quiet and dangerous and oh so closed off to everyone but her. Only she was allowed to see how much he was hurting.

Only she was allowed to see when he cried.

She hated to see him like this. But… it wasn't a chore for her, like the Time Lord Doctor had made it sound when he told her she would have to look after the man in the blue suit. It never could be. He was a new man. A man in his own right, and it was not a chore to help someone you love.

She had realised that. It had taken time to see him as a different man from the one that had left her twice. More than twice, if you counted all the times he had sent her away, or left her behind to save her from the danger or save someone else.

But she had seen in his eyes, on that grey, monotonous beach, a silent vow. A promise, that no matter what, through thick and thin, he would face this new world with her at his side. That he would never let her go.

The realisation that she didn't love him for who he looked like.

She loved him for who he was.

His own man.

"Stop it Rose."

He didn't turn the chair to look at her, didn't even move. He just kept looking out of the window, as his reflection blinked.

"Stop what?" since when had her voice been so hoarse and timid.

He held out his hand, eyes still glued to the London skyline.

She walked over to him, taking his hand in her own, but standing behind his chair, putting her chin on his head and looking out as he did.

"You're worrying about me," he reached up, taking her other hand, making his eyes go out of focus and looking at the reflection in the window instead of the view beyond, "if you think about a good thing too much, more likely as not it'll end up falling on you like a house of cards."

"I'm not thinking about you," she lied defensively, "I'm thinking about… us…"

"Ah, so that makes it better does it? Double the worry, easier the pain?"

She was silent. He always did that to her.

"What are you worried about?"

"You," she admitted, "I know you miss the TARDIS. You were crying out again last night."

It was his turn to be silent.

"I… I just wish that… that you didn't have to live without her. Without the life you had… that you had to give it up for me, all-"

"Rose," he interrupted her gently, "You don't understand what he gave me. What he gave both of us."

He gently, slowly lifted her hand to the right side of his chest, watching her reaction to the lack of a second heart.

"Do you feel that?" he whispered, feeling wetness on his scalp as tears forced their way down her cheeks even as he face stayed resolutely the same.

She shook her head, "There's nothing there."

"I know. He's taken that with him, back to the stars, 'cos that is the heart that needs the adventure to live. Part of that is still here, but it's not something that I can't live without."

He left her hand on the right side of his chest, but lifted her other hand to press against the rapid beat of his heart, belying the power of his emotions for the human girl behind him hidden in the calm face.

"Do you feel that?"

She nodded.

"That's what I have. That's all I have. That's the heart that was born though pain and hurt and the need for revenge. That's the heart that was formed in the thick of the battle. A bitter heart that was made with the thought of _I will survive._ That's the heart that was made for you."

He felt rather than heard her gasp, a sudden withdrawal of air from above his head.

"He stopped the regeneration because he didn't want to leave you again. He didn't want to have to make you watch him change again. He made me because he was worried that you'd leave if he changed, and with the thought of revenge if that would happen. So I was born. But now, the heart you can feel beating," he pressed her hand harder to his chest, "this heart… it beats for you. For only you."

"But…" Rose finally gasped, "but how can you live without the life you loved?"

"Because I was born only for you. Yes, I miss the life I lived; I will always remember it, but a life without you… I couldn't live it before, and I won't again."

He pulled her around the chair, pulling her to sit in his lap and wrapping his arms around her.

"I'd happily live a half-life with you for another… fifty years, or however long I've got to live, than live another five hundred without you."

"Yeah, but in London. Not exactly the height of excitement, is it?"

"Oh, I dunno. We always seemed to find trouble in London, didn't we? Always seemed to end up here, didn't we? Here and Cardiff," he made a face, making her choke out a watery laugh, "thanks, but I prefer London to Cardiff. Ooh, we have the 2012 Olympics to look forwards to again next year! Have to go check out Dame Kelly Holmes Close again!"

"Together."

"Forever"

"Living the London Half-life."

"Better a half-life, than a full one." He said, pressing a kiss to her lips, "Otherwise I'd waste it. Give me too much time, and I waste it keeping you away, like I did before. Better off with half a life."

"Live too long and it'll all come down."

Like a house of cards, she didn't need to say.


End file.
